Finding Beauty

I have always liked dandelions, I love how bright and happy they are. They are tough fighters, coming back year after year. Millions and millions of dollars (well maybe not millions.. who really knows) are spent every year to kill these pretty little flowers. What did a dandelion ever do to deserve such harsh treatment? They offer pollen for the honey bees and many people put the greens in to their salads.
My girls love to spend all afternoon picking the bright yellow flowers out of our yard. What mother doesn't love a bouquet of pretty yellow flowers pick by her loving children? When I see a yard full of dandelions, I don't see an unkept lawn, I see a yellow sea of beauty. 
Dandelions are always welcome here.

Family Names

As the mother of 2 girls, I have heard a number of times that the "family name" will end since we didn't have boys to carry it on. I came from a family with 2 daughters, as did my mother, several generations of  "family names" have ended in my family and never once have I heard one word about it.

I can not tell you how much this bothers me. Not that the family name ends, but how insulting it feels that my girls are less important, less valuable, not worthy and wont contribute to our world somehow because they didn't have the honor of passing down a name. It's not that I don't have respect for my husband's family heritage, after all I gave up my own name to take his.

It just seems like such an old fashioned idea and so much expectation is placed on the the child based only on their gender. There is no guarantee that a son would grow up and have children, or if he does, that the mother would have taken his name, possibly giving the children her maiden name or a combination of the two. Just as there is no guarantee that a girl will give up her own name if she marries - IF she marries.

It's impossible to know what the world will be like when my daughters are grown up and are creating their families. Placing so much importance of something like a name on the sex of a child just seems so trivial and well, sexist to me. Not to mention hurtful, when said to the mother of two girls.

Out of the mouths of babes...

After revealing the contents of Sammie's dirty diaper, I hear a little voice from beside the table:
 "Holy Poop, Mommy!"

Thankful

Today, I am thankful that the sun is shining even if it's only between clouds. I am thankful for my friends, their support and humor. For my husband who works so hard to take care of us. I am thankful for my mom who always worries about me, my dad who always looks out for me, and my sister who always inspires me. The sleeping baby on my lap and cartoons that have taught my 2 year old words to songs I have forgotten and helped her count to ten when I could only get her to 2! I am thankful that my Hula girl seems to be feeling better.

I am thankful for days when it's easy to look on the brighter side.

Grey

The primary cause of unhappiness is not the situation, but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is.

~ Eckhart Tolle

Sometimes it feels like so much effort to be happy and so easy to feel down. It's been cold and rainy here the last few days and I struggle to keep my mood from matching the grey sky. I need to remind myself that I am in charge of my happiness and need to look for the good and not fall for the bad that pulls me into the darkness.

Take time to smell the flowers

After about 6 months of working nights and about 8 weeks of working 6 days a week, Chris finally had a 3 day weekend to spend home with us. We spent Friday doing the usual grocery shopping, Sautrday morning Chris got up and replaced a U-Joint on the GMC and put new brakes and rotors on the Dodge. In the afternoon we went to the park so the girls could play on the playground, then went to the car wash and finally got some ice cream. Sunday we headed out to go to a birthday party but misunderstood the directions and went to the wrong park. The girls had fun anyway and Chris made it home in time to watch the hockey game.

Kiss Cookies

Pie is in the "helping" stage right now. It's nice to see her learning and getting interested in different things. Her favorite is helping me make 'kiss cookies' for her daddy. She likes to dump the measuring cups of sugar and flour and the teaspoons of vanilla in the mixing bowl, but her absolute favorite part is "mushing" the cookies once I spoon them out onto the cookie sheets. "Pie mush them" she says. Daddy's favorite part is eating them. ;)

Grandma's Bear

This morning Pie spotted the Teddy Bear that my Grandma had given me for Christmas when I was a teenager. It's one of the few things I have from my childhood that has survived many chewing puppies and moving a handful of times. I had put him up on a high shelf in my bathroom, just because I knew he would be safe there. This morning he came down and is now part of Pie and Sam's animal family. I hope that they love him as much as I did. I will always think of my Grandma when I see my girls playing with the bear and know that she is looking down watching over them too.

Appearances

I recently read a thread on a debate message board about children's appearances and how they reflect on the parenting the child receives. The majority of the posters felt "sorry" for children who had dirty hands or stains of their clothes and assumed that they were left unattended while the parent were consumed with themselves. It was so important to these posters that their children be perfectly clean and in matching outfits every time they left the house, even if it was a quick trip to the grocery store because they felt they'd be judged and looked at as bad parents.

I could not help but shake my head as I read this thread. It is no wonder why so many girls (and boys) have self esteem and body image issues when their mother's make such a big deal out of their appearances from the second they are born.

While I think my girls are beautiful, I want them to see themselves as smart, kind, friendly, generous, and helpful. I hope that they can see past the paint and perfume that their classmates will wear to school and love them for who they really are, whether they wear the latest fashions or their sister's hand-me-downs.

So when you see us at the grocery store and my girls have dirty hands or crumbs on their faces you might want to take a look at me too, because I was right there playing in the mud puddles with them and I baked the cookies that they ate on the way shopping. If that makes me a bad mom, so be it. Life is too short to worry about matching outfits.

Bubbles

We went out int he yard this morning to play. Still not the nicest weather yet. It's warming up into the 50's but has been pretty windy. I am so ready for some really nice weather.

Pie had fun with the dump truck.

Most of the time Pie and Sam play really well together.

Sometimes not so much.

Sam had fun blowing bubbles.

Side

Finally after way too many days of windy, yucky weather, we were able to get out "side" and play for awhile today. We have been working on the flower gardens trying to move some lupines into much more managable places and have been enjoying the first blooms of the season. I've been working the last few seasons to move some lupine up from the hillside into the yard where we can actually see them. They readily reseed themselves and grow wherever they like. Come June our yard will be a sea of purple. I can't wait!

Pie learned a new trick on her slide today.

And Sammie just enjoyed the green grass on her barefeet!

Betty

Pie drops her play phone on the floor.

Me: Uh oh spagetti-o

Pie: OH OH Betty Go!

Days

Today is Chris's first day back working days after 6 months of working nights. He only got one night to try and get back on schedule and with being sick on top of it, it was a rough morning for him. The girls were used to getting up and seeing daddy asleep on the couch in the mornings before he'd stumble off to bed for the day. They were a bit confused when the couch was empty this morning. We are usually about ready to go "tickle daddy" which is Pie's way of getting him up for work. We wont be tickling him today. He only has 2 more weeks on this job site and he has no idea what his fate will be after that. So his working days is a good thing but also brings a lot of uncertainty.

The weather was supposed to be nicer today so we got dressed and headed out this morning to play in the yard and plant our strawberries. It soon turned cloudy and windy again so we headed back inside. Pie played on the bed while I went through our clothes and stored some of our winter clothes away and sorted out Chris work clothes that are beyond wearable. I hung a batch of diapers out on the line and got the rest of Chris work clothes in the wash.

It wasn't long before Sam was ready for a nap. As always, Pie decided to get into trouble while Sam was peacefully asleep on my lap, so her nap was cut short while we washed the fireplace ashes off Pie's hands. She woke up happy enough so maybe the afternoon wont be too bad.

I'm looking forward to some nicer weather so we came spend more time outside without having to bundle up and can get out to the park and even the pool this summer. I hope that Chris will be able to spend more time with us this summer but not if it means he's layed off.

I complain now about it not being warm enough and yes, I will complain when it's too hot this summer.

What do you do on a cold windy Saturday?

Build a fort of course!

Grandma

Happy Birthday Grandma.

April 9, 1922 - July 26, 2006

I miss you. I wish I could have been there more for you. I wish that you could have been here when my girls were born. I know they would have loved you and brought you so much joy. I show them your picture that hangs on our wall and tell them about their Great Grandma.I have lots of happy memories of you but for some reason I just can't find the right words. I love you and you will always be in my heart.

What are friends for?

Chris has been working as a pipe welder for a company out of Brewer for the last 2 years. He has worked hard, had excellent attendance, done everything that has been asked of him from welding, to construction of the warehouse, to working in boilers and even pushing a broom. He's never said no to the task he's been assigned. If given the choice he would be welding pipe. He enjoys it and he is very good at it. At his job site, most of the welds are x-rayed to make sure they are sound. There are about a dozen (out of 150ish) welders who have 100% x-ray rate. Chris is one of them and has more than 400 welds under his belt.

The job they've been working on is just about to come to an end. This was expected, no big surprise. So far the company hasn't come up with another big job to keep all of it's employees busy and has been laying people off since the beginning of the year. They started thinning the heard by letting go the people with poor attendance, low x-ray rates, bad attitudes. Slowly they've gotten down to a bare bones crew and need to thin even more in the next few weeks.

Chris has been concerned. He is, after all head of our household, the breed winner and sole supporter. The girls and I depend on him to take care of us financially. It's a big job no matter how frugal we try to be. Gas, heat, electricity, and food all cost way too much and unemployment pays way too little.

Most of the lay offs happen on Thursday afternoons. It's the last day of the week since they work four 10 hour days (or nights). The text messages were flying today. "I heard this..." and "Did you hear that..." Usually women are blamed for rumors but if you think that's true you've never met the bunch of guys Chris works with! The last message Chris got before he left was "You better bring your truck tonight.." so he could bring his tools home. Chris looked defeated. All that hard work felt like it was for nothing. When he left he said, "Well see you in a little while" expecting to be sent home right away. Just about the time Chris would be walking onto the job site, I got a texted message saying "Jerks busted out laughing the second they saw me. Here Monday morning."

Damn Boots!

Chris has been working so many hours lately and needs a new pair of work boots for summer. There is a particular store that he buys them from because they have good quality boots and he gets a killer discount through his job. I knew they are always closed on Sundays which is why Chris was having a hard time getting into the store to buy them. So Monday morning I loaded up the girls in the truck and we headed out to go boot shopping. I had also planned to buy them some rubber rain boots so that they can play in the big puddle that always appears in our yard after every storm.


We got the the boot store, I woke Sam up, got her on my back in the Ergo and Pie was "walking floooor" being a good girl holding my hand. I pulled on the door handle and realized the store was closed. The sign read "Closed Sundays and Mondays" Crap. Oh well, we walked over to the dollar store and bought some stickers and some big bubble wands that broke within the first days use. I guess I can't complain - they did come from the dollar store.

I loaded everyone back in the truck and headed to Wal-mart to get the girls their boots. They always have rain boots on display in the spring with cute stripes, lady bugs or flowers on them. Our Wal-Mart had recently been remodeled so I had to weave my way around until I remembered where the shoe section was. Once I found it, I looked all over and found zero kid sized rubber rain boots. Crap. So we found some cute sundresses and matching sandals and got a few more fish.

Chris still needed his boots. When we woke up this morning he said that if we wanted to, we could go shopping again today and get his boots. I was also going to try Target and see if they had boots for the girls. Pie was excited about going "shopping boots" again. This time I looked online to see what time the boot store opened. 9a.m. Okay, that worked out fine, we could get breakfast, get everyone dressed, head out, get to the boot store not long after 9, hit Target and be back home before noon. Sounded like a plan to me. Everything went as planned until we turned onto the Veterans Remembrance Bridge headed into Brewer. SCREEEEEEECH CLUNK SCREEECH! What the....? I made it across the bridge and into an empty parking lot.

Chris was home sleeping with ear plugs in his ears. A talent he's learned so that he can sleep through all our noise during the day. Well, he also can sleep through a ringing (and ringing and ringing) phone. Luckily, I had his friend Matt's number too and gave him a call. He was working but sent his dad over to try and wake Chris up. I wasn't too worried, I was in a safe place and eventually Chris would wake up and check his phone. I was more annoyed with the truck situation. I was thankful though when Chris returned my 800 calls and 50 texts about 20 minutes later. Together we worked out a plan to get us all back home, the broken truck and all.

So Chris still doesn't have new boots but he does need a new transmission in his truck. He'd been talking about trading it in for something newer with less miles but who knows what will happen now. I'm just thankful we are all home safe and sound. I'm not sure I want to go boot shopping anytime again soon.

Feed the good dog

Happiness.

This is one of the many things I need to work on. I know I am in charge of my own happiness and not responsible for anyone else's. I know better than to let my moods be afftected by the "weather" of the day. This is and has been a constant struggle of mine and I vow to continue to work on it everyday. I tend to let things get me down and I waste way too much of my life letting negative people and their comments "get to me" long after they've forgotten we even spoke. I need to focus on the good and let the bad roll off my back.

A man named Paul McCabe once said “Inside of me there are two dogs fighting. One is bad and negative. The other is good and positive. The one that wins is the one I feed the most.”

Today I'm going to feed the good dog.

Pictures

I have taken pictures of my girls almost every day since they were born. Since all of the Grandparents live out of town, I upload the pictures onto Snapfish so that they can see the girls whenever they want too. It was recently requested of me to get more pictures of the girls together. If you've never tired to take "together" pictures of a 1 and 2 year old you have no idea how difficult of a task this is.

Here is today's attempt in the new dresses I bought them yesterday.

Hey! Look at Mommy!

Hey, Look at Mommy!!!!!

Maybe sitting on the couch will work.

Yeah right!

I guess they thought I wanted an action shot?

Well at least they are both looking in the same direction.

This is the best shot I got.

They look like they are mad at each other

and got sent to stand against the wall for punishment.

I guess we'll try again tomorrow.

My Original Baby Girl

Hula was born July 2, 1998 and came to live with us 6 weeks later. She has been one of the sweetest. loving, loyal and gentle dogs I have ever known. Hula was 10 years old when Pie was born and I worried what she would think of a new human baby in our house, she hadn't been overly fond of any of the new puppies we had in the past. She had not been around children before, but she has lived upto her previous reputation of being an excellent member of our family.

Hula has been wrestled, pinched, pulled on, rode like a horse and even dressed up like a bunny and has never even curled a lip. I could not have asked for a better dog to watch over my girls. She is just so gentle and patient with them, it really amazes me how well she has adapted to becoming a "big sister".

She's starting to get lumpy and bumpy and hobbles around more than she used too. Going on 12 years old, I know she wont be with us too much longer. Most people go out and get a new puppy when their old dog passes away, but you can't replace the love that a special dog like Hula leaves in your heart.

Easter

We had a really nice day on Easter Sunday. The weather was perfect, around 75 degrees and sunny. The girls as I got up early as usual and watched cartoons all morning. We woke Chris up around noon and gave the girls thier Easter baskets.

While Chris was keeping the girls occupied, I went out and hid some eggs in the yard. Pie had a great time finding the eggs.

Sammie did a pretty good job too.

We got everyone dressed to play and headed to the city park in Belfast. It has recently been upgraded and is honestly, the coolest playground I have ever been to. Pie had a blast on the BIG slide.

Sammie had fun on the little slide.

This is the coolest swing ever.

We walked down to the water and played on the beach for a little while before we headed home for supper.

Babywearing

I honestly don't know how I would have made it through the last 27 months without my wrap and Ergo (thanks Jen!). Many, many dinners were cooked with a hitch-hiker on my back who would end up catching a nap while I chopped and stirred.  Every shopping trip has involved some type of babywearing contraption. I get alot of comments when I have a passenger, (and even more comments when I have 2 passengers!) usually they say how happy and content my girls are. Well, that's the point. Not only does it benefit me by wearing them but it's good for my girls. They are close to my heart, worn with love.

First Bloom

As the days start to grow longer and the sun shines a little brighter, I'm on the lookout for the first bloom of the season. I am no master gardener, but I have inherited a green thumb from my mom and dad. I remember as a kid, my dad coming home from work and taking a stroll through the yard looking at the progress of his vegetable and flower gardens. My sister and I walked along the railroad ties that divided the different areas of the gardens and listened to our dad talk about his day. As an adult, I'm finding myself with the same habit of walking through my yard, looking for progress in my flower beds and finding peace in my mind.

I'm not a huge fan of winter, blah and brown or way too white, neither are favorite colors of mine. I love the yellow daffodils and the red and orange tulips. The purple crocus and grape hyacinths of early spring give me hope, a sense of renewal.

This year I plan to get my flower beds in order and start a vegetable garden. I think the girls are old enough to help plant the seeds and help harvest in the fall. I'd love nothing more than to pass on the green thumb my parents gave to me.

What's your name?

This morning a cartoon came on and I asked Pie what the girl's name was in it.

Me: "What's her name? Fi Fi?"

Pie: "Fanny!"

Me: "What is your name?"

Pie "Pie!"

She points at Sammie and says "Sammie!"

Me: "What's my name?"

Pie "Mommy!"

Me: "What's Daddy's name?"

Pie: "Loving!"

Up above the clouds

This morning we woke up to a bright sunny morning with fog hanging in the valley below us.

We live in a valley between Mosquito Mountain and Mount Waldo. The temperature is often quite different at our house then it is when you get out from between the mountains. I use the term mountains very losely, after living  at the foot of the Rocky Mountains for most of my life, I know that there are no real mountains in Maine! The highest peak in Maine is Mount Katahdin at 5,246 feet. The highest peak in Colorado is Mount Elbert 14,426 feet. And you're going to call me a flat-lander?? 

Spring Fever

You can tell it's spring when you hear the roar of a V-Twin rumbling down the road. It's 59 degress here today, more than warm enough to break the bike out for the first ride of the season. We bought our 2000 Harley Davidson Herritage Classic Softtail April 14th 2006 and put a ton of miles on it that first summer. I never felt closer, both physically or emotionally to Chris than I did on the back of that bike. You have to put all your faith in the person driving when you are the passenger on a motorcycle. Your life is in thier hands and there isn't one damn thing you can do to change that when your flying down the road. I can't think of a soul that I trust more than Chris. I am all for women owning and riding their own bikes, especially if it's a Harley. I even thought about it myself, but I know my place is on the back right behind my man. I can't think of a place I feel safer. When the girls get bigger, I'll be riding again, right where I belong with the man I love.

Park!

After too many days of wind and rain we finally got out of the house and went to the Park. As usual we were the only people there but we had a nice time anyway. Pie has just about mastered everything at the playground and really enjoyed the slides today. Sam is right at her heals trying to keep up. She doesn't realize that she's not quite ready to climb up the ladders yet but I have a feeling it wont be long.