Baby Girl

"Hi, Sammie Baby Girl."
"Hi, Mommy Baby Girl."
"Hi, Sammie Baby Girl."
"Hi, Mommy Baby Girl."
"Hi, Sammie Baby Girl."
"Mommy, I love you allllllllll up."

Fruit of our Labor

This afternoon the girls and I harvested our pumpkins from our garden. We ended up with 14 nice orange  and 5 nice sized green pumpkins. I really had no idea how many to expect when we planted them and then being gone most of the summer, I kind of expected the garden to be a bust. We filled the wagon twice to get the pumpkins back to the house and unloaded them in the flower garden until Chris has a day off and can help us carve them. What a chore THAT is going to be! Too bad no one will see them since we live in the boonies. I guess thats what Facebook is for!

Our harvest makes me really happy, especially because my mom and dad were here to help plant the garden, it makes me feel like they are still here and are apart of our halloween.

The Butterfly Effect

Today, October 15th is pregnancy and infant loss awareness day.

June 23, 2001 is the day I had my miscarriage. It was devastating to me, completely life changing. I felt pain in my heart that I never knew existed and I felt like no one understood what I was going through. 

I had what was called a "blighted ovum" which means the egg and sperm met created a yoke sack but nothing else. When I explained this to people (because they always asked why it happened) I was told more than once that I wasn't really pregnant anyway.  It would have hurt less to drive a dull butter knife into my heart and twist repeatedly. I was in mourning for the baby that could have been even if he never existed. I named him Jasper and even if he was never really in my womb, he has always been in my heart.

Sometimes I feel lucky that I suffered only one early miscarriage when I know of so many others who have had many and have seen their little babies during ultrasounds and heard their heartbeats. My heart breaks for those mothers who have given birth to babies who were sleeping. I can not imagine how I would go on.

Even though my heart aches for the child that could have been and six years of infertility that tore me apart, I am so grateful that God had another plan for my life. The thought of having children spured Chris and I to make some changes in our lives. Some good and some bad, but without those changes we wouldn't be where we are today. We wouldn't have our two beautiful, perfect, amazing daughters. Chris might not have come out of his dark depression that lasted way too long, to become the hard working and accomplished man he is today.

I hope to never feel another loss like I did when I had the miscarriage again but it was a turning point in my life that I will never wish away.

My thoughts and prayers goes out to anyone who has ever felt the loss of a child born or unborn, and hope that every mother and father can find some peace in their heart.

Socialization

I've been accused of not giving my girls enough socialization. We live on the side of a mountain with no neighbors within sight, we only have one friend with a child that is close to our girls age and they aren't in daycare.

I've made a point, not long after Sammie was born to start going to the local story time at the library in Bucksport. Oh my holy goodness was it ever b.o.r.i.n.g! Pie needed somewhere to get her wiggles out and PLAY, especially during the winter months. We found a playgroup last winter that was very unstructured free play. It worked well to get the wiggles out but there wasn't enough guidance by all of the parent to prevent squabbles over the toys provided. I wanted Pie to learn how to play nicely, not learn to fight!

When we were in New Hamster (as Pie calls it!) we found the most fabulous story time/play group that has ever existed! The librarian sang songs, read stories, blew bubbles for each of the kids, had a parachute (and sings to go with it) and then provided some type of craft afterwards. It was awesome and both of the girls loved going. They'd ask every morning if they could go to the playgroup.

I vowed once we got home that I would keep searching until I found something as close to awesome as I could.

On Monday we went to a play group in Hampden that was described as a program for children ages three months to six years old. It is an interactive program for children and their parent/caregiver. Adults make use of our educational toys to play with their child. These toys encourage manipulative ability as well as color and letter recognition. OK, that sounds great! We got there right on time and there was one little boy playing a color sorting game with his mother. He looked up as we walked in and was quickly told to focus on what he was doing. Poor little guy was only curious about the two (adorable) little girls who had come to play "with all the little boys and girls". I was shocked. I realize that parent involvement was expected but isn't learning how to play with other kids just as important as mastering every educational game that's marketed to improve your child's whatever?

As my girls looked through the games they asked if they could play with this or that and I told them they could play with anything they wanted to including the other children. But still heard several parents reign their kids back into whatever game they were supposed to be focusing on when they ventured off toward the other children. We finally made our way across the room and ended up finding a nice older lady who was the nanny to a young girl just learning to walk. She was very nice and played with Pie.

On Tuesday we met our friends Nicole and her daughter, Cadence at the big slide park in Belfast, lunch at McDonald's and then played on the children's floor of the Belfast Free Library. Wednesday we did a little shopping in Bangor.

This morning we went back to the playgroup in Bucksport and the girls did really well. Out of 6 parents, there were 2 of us who didn't just sit along the wall while their kids ran wild. The other mom was really nice and we got along quite well. This playgroup was the extreme opposite of the one we visited on Monday but I guess by going to them both the girls get the best of both worlds.

Tomorrow we plan to hit the Discovery museum for their version of story time and "clay play".

So, if you still think my girls need socialization, I guess you really have no clue how we spend out time. I very strrongly  believe you don't have to pay a daycare or depend on public school to teach your children social skills.

Names

When we were in New Hampshire a little girl asked Pie what her name was. She just stood there smiling not sure what to say. Since then we have been talking about what all of our names are. She knows what daddy's name is and after hearing me call for him she promptly called him by his first name too. It was so cute! She learned Sammie's first and middle name and knows my first and last name. When I ask her what her name is she says Leona Pie or occasionally Oprah which always sends me in to a giggle fit!

We also have been trying to differentiate between the grandparents and how they are related to her. She knows the Grandparents who come to visit in the spring are my mommy and daddy and the grandparents who come in the fall are daddy's parents. While shopping the other day with the paternal grandparents she heard me speak to fil then called him, like I did, by his first name, only to be scolded by her paternal grandmother (a title I'm not sure is deserved) that she was never to call him that again and to only ever call him GRANDPA. Pie was so devastated. Poor girl was only associating a name with a person and was so happy to know his name. Leave it to her to crush some one's spirit.

My daughter can me whatever she wishes as long as it's respectful, after all I call her Pie.